I am a worrier. Really. Sometimes I have a tendency to unnecessarily worry about the future interactions with others. For example, I call 7 to 10 companies everyday and speak with their technical recruiters in human resource to express my interest and ask them few questions. I usually get the recruiter's name by LinkedIn, Jigsaw, and other business directory. So I do my homework in advance to learn more of the people I speak with. However, I usually have inner fears and negative mental pictures that pushes me away from my goal. If I want to call someone name, "Bruno Peterson", the first couple of thoughts that come in my mind is that "What if I am being ridiculed for following up?", "What if I look like an idiot?", "Bruno seems like a tough name; is he going to go easy on me?", "Do I seem like other idiots who applying for jobs"" etc. The mental picture that come in my mind is a guy or girl smirking at me because he or she found something funny from my accent or I look plain stupid. As a result, I try to make some stupid excuses like I got to do my assignment, watching stupid YouTube Videos, or plan to do it some other day of my life when I will miraculously grow some balls! And I never get it done!
However, I actually found a way to overcome my anxiety. I actually realized it last week when I was reflecting about an interesting book I read - Success Principle by Jack Canfield. The book defined FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real. When I thought about it for some time, it made a lot of sense. When I am facing my fear, I see all those mental pictures I create in my mind - "Guy smirking at me", "Looking super common", "Being ridiculed". Those are just false evidence I thought would be real. I also realized that I habitually run those images in my mind. This is the first realization that gave me extra confidence.
Second thing I learned from the book that I can overcome those negative mental picture by replacing them with positive ones. I started to "visualize" all possible nice things happen when I am talking with people. For example, the person might love my accent or strong voice, I might be seem more assertive, the person might smile and enjoy the conversation. When I visualize those pictures couple dozen times in my mind, I appear more eager to call those people I thought kill me. :)
Let me give another example. When you are going out for a date, what is the best possible mental picture would you rather have in my mind? Your date dumped you in front of the crowd, never came on time, cancelled the date, and being abducted by aliens? Or You had a heart-to-heart conversation, enjoyed your Cabernet, shared a passionate kiss, and did something you love to do? I am sure you would rather pick the positive mental image. I guess we all make choices in my life - how to feel, what to think, what mental pictures we have. We are the film makers, screenwriters, and actors of our own life. It really depends how we use it well to empower ourselves.
What one negative mental picture do you have, and how can you replace that with a positive images?