When I am Gone

I had a good time today. I watched couple episodes of Sopranos (just finished the second season), read a nice book to learn more of charisma, went out for a drive to buy some fresh salads for lunch, and enjoyed the mild weather.

When I finished brushing my teeth at night, I look at myself in the mirror and for strangest reason I asked myself who I really am? I don't believe in god, angel, heaven and hell bullshit. But what if we are just like everything in this world i.e. chair, table, trees, butterfly, clock, spiders? We simply meant to be exist. What if we are not so special that we think we are? We chose to make our lives full of dramas. We create unique meanings to our experiences. We created the right and wrong. We reproduce kids to pass our ownership. What if a human becomes simple piece of meat when it dies (just like an insignificant squashed spider)? Does it really matter if you get buried or burned? Does it matter who gets all your money?

I don't know. Even if I know all answers what difference it would make? I would still live a moral life, experience a roller coaster ride, despise my old age and pass away. Sometimes I wish my life is more like a fairy tale Aladdin story. Then I would at least know I will live happily forever. LOL. I usually get jealous when a baby is born, when I am watching school kids waiting for their bus, or hanging out with their mom. It's kind of nice that those kids will have more opportunities to experience hundred years from now when I will be gone.

What do you think? Anything?