Today I went out with my nephew, Adam and younger cousin, Mike for grocery shopping. Later we went to Perkins because I told them I am planning to cover all expenses for the dinner. During the dinner in Perkins, I have plenty of time to practice handling criticism. I was hoping to use this opportunity to exercise some skills I have learnt...
Adam is my sister's eldest son. He is smart, outgoing and pretty daring. Although he is younger than me, he tends to think he knows and experienced more than I do. He also has a good sense of humor which is best for lighten the moment. However, one thing I completely dislike about him is his irrational way to criticize people around him for self gratifications. There were some moments in the past I took some of his words personally. I usually are very forgiving, but he does not have any idea that I usually give people no chances when they cross the line.
Nevertheless, I still found a way to diffuse all the tensions when someone criticizes me. It also works if the criticism is constructive, and the person has good intentions. I have learnt how to appear completely nonreactive. I learnt this from a book name, "When I say No, I feel guilty". The technique is called "fogging". Every time you get criticized, you simply agree with the person. This one of the few effective methods I ever found to deal with negative criticisms, but I quite new in this. So Adam was my first few guinea pigs...
Here are some portion of conversation we had in Perkin's Resturant:
Adam: Why do you seem nervous and out of place when the waiter asked you for the order?
Me: You are right. (FOGGING) I still have a room for improvement.
Adam: You go to toastmaster club and do other activities. Why does it happen to you?
Me: I do participate in other activities, and sometimes I still get nervous. (FOGGING). I guess I need to cross the comfort zone.
(More Conversations)
Adam: Why did you find this stupid place for us to sit?
Me: The seats we are sitting seem to be out of place, isn't it? (FOGGING) We are pretty isolated from rest of the crowd.
Every time I fogged, the opposing member had nothing much to say about the issue. The opposing person's sole goal is to make people becoming "reactive" and "insecure". By fogging, I am not doing either of those. I am not being defensive, and the tension is diffused. Moreover, you might be wondering if someone calls me in a derogatory terms, I should be angry. That's a good question. For example,
Idiot: You look like a completely faggot?
Me: I do, don't it? When I was a teenager, I used to think about girls all the time. I do not seem to be thinking about such topics since I am so busy.
My point is if someone tells you that you are a space alien, with 5 hidden arms, and have a 2 large wings, are you planning to react seriously? You would probably going to laugh out loud. In the same way, you can simple be a fog. When you fire a gun to a fog, the fog simple let the bullet through and it is unaffected. You get the point, right?
There are much more I like to discuss, but I want to keep it short. I am going to talk more about "criticisms" and how to deal with it effectively in the future posts. I am also planning to demonstrate more real life experiences with criticisms, so you should stay tuned, and "follow me"!
