Best Way to Put Out a Fire

I think the best way to extinguish a fire is to not to allow it to grow. That means cutting the factors that allows it to be created in the first place i.e. oxygen. We can all agree that it would be silly to extinguish a fire with more fire. More fire will just let it grow more and end up destroying what's left of things we are trying to protect.

I think emotions are similar to fire. It is a chemical storms in our brain that allows us to survive and make decision in this fast paced 21st century. They are energy.  Energy can never be created or destroyed, but it can be transformed from one form to another. I realized that bad shits happen in our lives, we start to give more emotions around those issue and end up amplifying it further. I think the solution is if we let the emotions be there and simply observe. A fire in a lamp can be lit for so long until it runs out of oil. I think if I just let it be there and be the silent observer long enough, the emotions just decapitates.

Does that mean I ask you to suppress your emotions? Not at all. Suppress or avoiding the issue at hand also take a lot of energy. As a result it helps the fire to grow more. I pretty much spend my entire childhood life suppressing fear and anger, and that didn't go so well. I think one of the best way (I didn't say best way) to let go of an insufferable emotion in the moment is to let it be there for a while. Feel it. Play with it. But do not try to use force, analysis, rationalization, and suppression. I just let it be there for a while even if it hurts because I know it's time and observation that heal it for good. 

Happiness for Dummies

I was in the coffee shop during lunch break to catch up with a book I was reading and I abruptly started laughing aloud with no reason. I kind of felt like a crazy idiot in the middle of the busy shop. But that made me ponder of an idea I never thought of before. I wondered how often people are happy in their lifetime? Can happiness be measured? How can I tell if a person is happier than the next people on the line?

The truth is everyone has their unique definition of happiness. For example, one woman could be happy to meet a man of her dreams, raise kids, and enjoy financial securities. Another woman could be happy to travel a lot, surround herself with horny men and spend time with her pets. But let's say both of them of achieved what they always wanted. The first woman is enjoying her family as a house wife. The second has travel all over the world and enjoy tons of unprotected sexual experience with men. What exactly do they need to feel and look to judge they are actually happy? I would say they would definitely have smiles in their faces, shows enthusiasm, uplighting in everything they do, treat others with kindness etc. etc. etc. I mean to say you can tell a lot if someone is happy based on her behavior. It's no rocket science. No matter what the circumstances are; happiness is only an emotion.

So I wonder if seeking happiness is the purpose of our life, then why not just create happiness whenever I want. Why not behave and feel like a happy person as if I already achieved my dreams? I think we would need to allow ourselves to be happy; just like we allow ourselves to be lazy or sad. It's just an emotion. It's a very cheesy idea but there is a truth in it.

Finally I started think a step ahead. How often an average person could be happy in a lifetime? I would say most people rely on their surroundings, culture and people around them for happiness. So it's safe to assume an average person who is reactive towards external situations aren't very much happy. Having external situations that create happiness all the time is like winning a lottery.  I realized that in order to be happiest person around I would behave like a happy person more often. My goal should to be happier than most people by behaving being happy in my life. I know it sounds crazy because it's crazy. I used to believe that smiling and laughing with no reason makes me an idiot. Now I think I would rather to be happy and crazy idiot than finding reasons to feel unhappy. That does not mean I need to be people pleasing loser who smiles when disrespected and take it for granted. I guess that's a different blog post I want to discuss about. You get my point!

P.S: I wrote a post a few days ago how suffering is as important as happiness. Yes I know my ideas are conflicting. I am just a weird guy. Fuck you!

Clarity Ends Fear

Clarity is one thing I really want in my life. It solves many things. In my past experiences, whenever I needed to deal with a difficult issue, I realized clarity solved it for me. It is like a truth and it sets me free. Today I realized that being confused, fearful, and aimlessness are the opposite of clarity. For example, death is something I have always been afraid of. The thought of growing old and die isn't pleasant. I think the only reason I am afraid of death because I can't fathom what exactly death means. I never experienced death. I don't know if I will actually have an after life or I am gone for good. I don't know if I will suffer from massive pain when I will die. In this case, the lack of my understanding of death makes it more fearful.  The vagueness makes it hundred fold fearful than it actually is.

But what if I truly understand the fear and all it's consequences? What if I know exactly how I will feel and know how it feels in the end of the tunnel? What if I am certain there is no such thing as death? I guess all those certainty creates gods & religions.  I believe if I am clear of what exactly the fear means, then I know how to deal with it. I guess this is a good place to mention famous Sun Tzu's sayings -

"If you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle."

Fear is my enemy. I believe by fully comprehending it, I can overcome it. I think clarity truly ends fear.

Suffering For Dummies

In last few years of my life, I have been chasing after happiness. I always have the wet fantasy that if I achieve bigger things, I will be more fulfilled and live happily ever after. In one of my blog post, I talked about filling the void for achieving the purpose of life. One of my purpose was to end all sufferings in my life. It's not a like I actually suffer from people and situations. I actually suffer by myself. I suffer by my unreal expectations of myself and the world. I suffer from not getting what I want faster. There is always that uneasiness buzzing in the background and my mind is always creating unresolved drama. I am a very ordinary and predictable guy, but there is still so much drama going inside of me. I sometimes wonder what's going on other people's mind? Are they happy and ease with themselves?

So I kind of come to a theory that there is no such thing as ending suffering. Suffering is similar to the laws of gravity. It's always going to be there. We don't blame gravity when the plane crashes or someone fall down from the roof. In the same way, we shouldn't blame being suffered and being in pain. I think there is always a way to minimize my suffering by taking positive actions and letting go of those emotions, but I don't believe we could permanently end suffering. All these mind tricks few personal development workshops teach us, such as, letting go of emotions, setting greater goals, raising standards, having personal mission statements are going to make me way happier than most people. But I don't think that will end sufferings. That's an unrealistic expectation.

So I don't want to end my my sufferings. I want to bring pain more in my life in the same way I bring happiness. I want to be cheated, betrayed, humiliated, rejected, embarrassed, lost and feeling hopelessness. Because in that way I can fully feel it and appreciate the joy and happiness. There is no such thing as happily ever after. There is no such thing as living my dreams (how could it be a dream if you are already experiencing it?). There is no such thing as greater calling. We born, we live and we die. Suffering is simply part of us and we should embrace it!