Last couple of days, I have realized that when I ask a coworker for suggestions, most of the time I interrupt him while he was speaking (as if I have a better idea he or she must hear). But I came to a conclusion this is very inappropriate to interrupt someone while he or she is speaking. I also understood makes me look like an asshole. I used to have a very talkative friend who always ask for advice, and then end up interrupting me when I was speaking because he thinks his ideas are better than mine. So what's the point of giving him any advice?
So, I ended up creating my own technique to be a better listener - Whenever I am having a conversation with someone, I would always remind myself of this phrase "SHUT THE FUCK UP" while he is speaking. I would just nod my head a little bit to show acknowledgement, and pay complete presence. I don't even have to say, "okay" or "makes sense" to show approval. If I have a strong urge to speak, I would take a deep breath to let the tension go. No matter how best my ideas are, or how wrong the person who is speaking, I will never interrupt. I will simply take any inputs and be more open-minded, but in the end of the conversation I will chose either to approve or disapprove his suggestions. If his ideas suck, I may choose not to let him know this is a bull crap.
I have been following this rule a lot this week during team meeting, informal, and casual conversations, and I must say that this is the best communication method I have applied after a long time.
Yes, I think this is a big one.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in college, I remember a professor of philosophy who would never interrupt a student's comment. Not only that - but after the student had finished speaking, the professor waited for several seconds more, just in case the student had something to add. I remember thinking what grace this man had. It created a remarkable atmosphere. I often forget to follow his (and now, your) example. But I ought to.
Jon - I think I got another great idea from your comment. Waiting after couple seconds after the conversation helps to make sure he/she has anything more to add!
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