Summa Cum Laude

When I first put my foot in America, I was living a life full of uncertainty. I left my home, family, and friends for a better future. I had to give up all the comforts and familiarity in the last 18 years of my life, and embraced a different life. For strangest reasons, I was in pain and sorrow. I had an impression I did not belong here. All I cared was being graduated from college with a satisfactory grade point average, and left this country for good. I had problems adapting with the western culture and I felt scared when thought of living with this for 3 more years. I remembered I had to record all lectures with a voice recorder, and repeated the recorder dozens of times to understand what the professor was saying. The hardest experience I had was feeling like nobody when  I was trying to share my point of view with my group members and was ignored. Everything seemed out of my league. I did not feel quite fulfilled when I first came here. I never stood out from the crowd.  I felt lonely and insignificant. I missed my home.

Although my beginning experience was not the best, but today I realized everything I went through in the last 3 years made so much sense to me. I was in a room full of graduates celebrating their final day of college. When I was listening to the chorus and musician playing, "Angels In the Architecture", I somehow related it with my life. I started with a bumpy road, but I can see my future with clarity since I grew so much in the last couple of years. I became self sufficient, independent and made loyal friends. I found more love and respect than I ever had when I was back home. I was one of the few graduates who received the Summa Cum Laude, the highest academic distinctions. Now I have bigger goals to accomplish, and I understood that the greatest way to cure loneliness is to serve others and give unconditional love. I understood that I accomplished an important mission in my life which I had been longing for since I was a kid. I just graduated from college, found a wonderful place to work, know wide range of people from all walks of life and have inspiring goals.

I can understand if you cannot follow what point I am trying to make. The only message I want to give is that I am very grateful. I am in a state of abundance. In December 18, 2011, I completed my mission successfully. Now my job is to decide a bigger and empowering goals which will provide me brighter future.

Being A Dream Architect

I have been pondering these questions last night. What if my whole life is a long dream and I actually am the architect to design my dream? How would I spend every single day of my dream? What emotions would I experience in a day to day basis? What kind of friends would I attract in my life? What kind of person would I want to be? How would I react to a challenging situation? What are my deepest desires?

I ended up answering those questions. I was really excited to jot down my answers. This exercise is only a stepping stone to find my true purpose in life. These are some ideas that came in my mind:

First of all, I would spend every single day of my dream experiencing positive emotions. I would experience joyfulness, celebration, gratefulness, happiness, being proud and confident. I would also feel loved all the time and love others in return. I will have mixture of days which will challenge my courage, commitment, and mental strength. But I would welcome every craps and negative emotions that come in my way, then let it go easily. The anxiety, self defamation and depression never serves me - It never makes a situation any better. I would stay confident, certain and calm in every challenging situation. I become more confident and courageous in every challenge I  overcome. I will be in a state of abundance.

Secondly, I would be around positive, vibrant, successful and loving people in planet. They would support me to be the best I possibly can. They would encourage me to take challenges. They would be loyal and understanding. They would be open minded and good listeners. My friends would be living their lives in different ways. One friend could be a business magnet, billionaire, and philanthropist, whereas I would have another friend who is an great exhibitionist, spiritual and nature lover. Although my friends are coming from different walks of life, we have genuine respect and support for each other to grow.

Thirdly, I would desire serving the human race, attempting extreme adventures, explore the entire planet, giving highly priced eloquent speeches, owning multimillion dollar business,  live a life like rock star, making a difference, and being a hero of my story. I would travel 196 countries in the world, make friends in every country I travel, and find a peaceful island where I could live for the rest of my life. I would also be independent, self sufficient and stand for myself during uncertainties.

These are brief overview of what I would want every single day of my dream to be look like if I am a dream architect. I have already decided I would manage to experience variety of positive emotions (i.e. joy, celebration, laughter, proud, loving, gratefulness, cherish) in a daily basis so that I would realize one day that I am the master of my own destiny!

Cherish Moments

I usually practice this exercise every day to come to a peak state. I ask myself empowering questions and come up with multiple flashbacks of the past to answer them. I would answer what am I happy right now?

1. I am happy that I am graduating on Sunday. Wearing an cheesy gown and receiving my degree from some old people in graduation ceremony. I am happy I would be able to share my happiness with rest of the graduates. I am also planning to have a delicious lunch with my class mates after walking in the ceremony. 
2. I am happy to have  supportive and caring friends and coworkers. I am going to meet couple of them in the night club after an hour tonight, and I could not imagine how crazy they would be since they are done with final exams. They love me, look up to me, listen to me and enjoys my unique sense of humor. 
3. I happy to have an awesome cardio and upper body workout today afternoon. I feel I feed my body with oxygen and vitality. My muscular strength is growing and I feel proud when I look at my body every single day.
4. I am happy that I grew up to be such an intelligent person who loves to serve others. I happy to be among the top three graduates in information system department, drinking beers with professors, making my family proud with my academic accomplishment, growing up to be a responsible individual, and committing to serve unconditionally.
5. I am happy I have the gift to inspire those I love and understand some of their deepest desires. I am glad to learn so much about my friends by spending time with them, asking quality questions, and listen to them deeply. Humans are interesting and unique creatures.
6. I am happy to rent a new apartment to stay for next year because I relocating for job related reasons. I would be living in a nice apartment, with underground garage, balcony with rose bushes, large kitchen and bathroom all for myself. It would be awesome to redecorate my new place with my friends, and adding more furniture.   

Tonight I am going to stick with 5 reasons I am happy right now. Can you think of 5 reasons you could be happy right now even if you are supposed to feel crappy? :)

How to Be A Dignified Broke?

There was one time when I was college, a large chunk of money was withdrawn from my bank account without my notice. It was such a large amount that my account went to a negative balance, and the bank started to charge $27 per day in my account until I repaid every dollar I owed.

The reason it happened to me was because I had been giving phone call to companies and recruiting firms for promoting myself in the last couple of months. I called over 60 people during the month November, and went over my 500 minutes monthly cell phone plan. I knew very well that some phone call duration was over 10 to 30 minutes, but I didn't care to monitor my cell phone balance. The cell phone company ended up withdrawing 3 times more money from my bank balance than I usually paid and made my balance negative. The bank also started adding $27 fine every single day that I would not be able to repay everything by my next salary!

If I faced this situation 2 years ago, I would have lost my mind. I would have probably had a panic attack or something. My whole world would turn upside down. But this time I was proud to say I used this crappy experience to train my mind and emotions. I realized that worrying would never served me in this situation. So every time I had a negative feeling about the situation, I welcomed that emotions and told to myself that I would not allow myself to feel that way anymore. That feeling would no longer serve me. I was actually cool and collected for the rest of the week.

This experience of being broke also made me learn couple of things to manage my money more effectively. I realized that if I use 1-2 lessons I learned from this experience, I would never face this kind of pathetic situation again. There were 3 money lessons I had learned from my mistakes:

1. I would start contributing 10% of my monthly income to my savings account which I will ask the bank to withdraw automatically from my paycheck. I would never touch that money, and use only in my unlucky days. I am also benefited by compound interests!
2. I would always, always, always monitor my financial status. I would want to monitor my spending habits and find ways to minimize unnecessary spending. I already created an excel file where I record every single dollar I spend and how I spend it.
3. I would apply 50/50 Rule. Every time I am making an investment i.e buying $500 plasma television, my first priority would be making additional $500 and transfer it to the savings account. 

To be honest, I am really glad it happened. This experience gave me enough pain and push to monitor my assets in a regular basis from now on so that I could prevent myself of getting fucked up again. I guess "monitor" is the key lesson I had learned from this experience. I also found enough reason to open my savings account and transfer 10-15% of my salary to a safe place where my ugly hand could never reach so easily. Therefore, I interpret this experience  as a wealth training which would make me richer in the latter part of my life!

Glass Half Full

While I was reading "Success Principle" by Jack Canfield, I learned an interesting concept which I have decided to practice for the rest of my life. There are certain category of people who are called "Inverse Paranoid". They have a strong belief that no matter what the fuck happens to their life, no matter how crappy everyone treats them, and no matter how much unsuccessful attempts they have; life is plotting every single event of their life to make them a success. Can you imagine a life in which you are happy, excited and motivated regardless of what happens?  I really believe this is a powerful belief to have, so I decided to write 2 crappy things happened in my life and how it helped me to be "almost" better person (not a better in spelling or grammar person of course):

First, I was seen timid and weak boy with inferiority complex by my teachers, friends and classmates during my high school years. I was constantly bullied because of my unique accents, and I never had balls to defend myself when boys were making fun of my mom and sister. I never received help, understanding and sympathy when I needed them most. This experience influenced to help the weak when they least expect it from others. This makes me very proud.

Second, I came from a culture where people love to talk behind others back, find violence to earn respect, murdering a suitable solution, always being narrow minded, and never challenge their assumptions. This kind of attitude really made me so sick that I decided to be around positive, wise, and intelligent people for the rest of my life. I decided I would rather be alone than being around group of ignorant human beings. This also encouraged me to focus on personal development.

There are much I want to share, but I believe less is more. I really hate being overly personal and share something so negative about my life, but who gives a fuck! You don't even know where I live :) If you read this far, please think of your everyday crappy event, then find ways it is training you to be the best you could be!

Bragging Rights

I had a wonderful day. One thing I realized that I should appreciate little things, and give myself credits for my hard work and achievement no matter how trivial it is. So tonight I am going to asked myself what am I proud of today?

1. I was one of the top 3 graduates out of 100 students in Information System department who received Academic Excellence Award. My adorable friend took photos of me with all of my professors while I was receiving my award.
2. Had a casual and informal conversation with professors - Guster, Paul, Phan and Susanath while drinking beer. Professor Paul bought a drink for me to award me for tutoring his students over time, and being his best student!
3. I had an interesting conversation with my coworker Jessica and Alyssa regarding serving others, making a difference, marriage and relationship. It was a very resourceful conversation. I learned to tell nice and captivating stories. I think I have talents to demonstrate high value to my audience by my personal experiences.
4. I gave Alyssa a ride back to her apartment after she was done with her shift even though I was still working. It took me some balls to break a rule to help a friend.
5. I studied for strategic management final exam. I was`quite confident I understood most concept. There is a pretty good chance I will be get highest score in this exam and have A grade.
6. I had over $150 cell phone bill because I overused my minutes last month. Instead of panic for being broke, I let go of the feeling because it did not serve me any more and remained calm for the rest of the day.
7. I practiced the shoulder move for hip hop dance since morning, and I believe I was looking good during the evening. It would help me to impress a group of crowds in the night club. I am an attention whore after all :D
8. I think many residents in the dorm I work will miss me after I graduate. They will miss my sense of humor and intellect. A friend told me I should have my own TV show :)

Spontaneous

Ever since I was 12, I have been taught to utilize my time as resourcefully as possible. Even when I was watching TV in my leisure time, my dad used to yell at me for watching stupid cartoons, and study more like my nerd friends who will never get laid. This actually influenced most of my teenage life. As a result, I still have an urge to force myself doing something valuable (i.e. study, read, work) that will have value in the future. For instance, I would rather spend my night writing a paper for my final than spending quality time with my best friend by watching movies. I guess being workaholic is in my blood.

Although I realized that this is an excellent habit to have, but I also found out that I will never be happy if I allow myself to measure/keep track of everything I do. So, today I decided to go with the flow. I fucked all the self blaming thoughts I had, and trusted my instincts. For instance, I usually try my best to finish a conversation within 1-2 minutes when I meet someone so that I could resume I was doing. However, today I met an old friend while I was going towards the library in the morning, and I decided to hang with him for couple of hours. I ended up buying some cool bracelets because his agenda was to fix his bracelet from a Native Indian shop. I even got some nice compliments from those bracelets, and have extra for Christmas gifts.

It's nice to spontaneous at times!

Gratefulness

What am I grateful of today?

1. I got a job offer. I am going to be a junior software developer.

2. I attended a club/salsa/hip-hop dancing class, and met some fun people.

3. I had a hardcore upper body workout in the evening.

4. I noticed I lost 3 more pounds!

5. I order stuffed crust pizza with veggies, and watched my favorite show - Dexter.

6. I enjoyed my hot chocolate while I was in my tutoring session.

7. Decided to go back home to meet my parents after 3 years in United States.

8. Gave some adorable friends a big hug, and a charming/award winning smile! :)

9. Staying up till 2 AM, and don't care what's going to happen next morning.

Saint Cloud

I love living in Saint Cloud. Especially during the winter. Many people use the same sentence when I ask for an opinion, "I hate winter". I can understand. But if you are going to live for a while, then why not learn to love it! It's starting to snow today. I loved myself when I was walking confidently in the street and whistled my favorite pop song. Somehow I experienced a state of abundance within myself which I was not able to create 3 years ago.

There is a pretty good chance I will live in Brained which is an hour away from St. Cloud for the next 5 years. There is also an opportunity to live in San Diego if I get another job offer. It doesn't matter what happens. I know I am guided by something greater than myself. Everything happens to make me succeed.

I am certain I will hear a good new by Friday. I will get an offer I cannot refuse. :)

Negative Image

I am a worrier. Really. Sometimes I have a tendency to unnecessarily worry about the future interactions with others. For example, I call 7 to 10 companies everyday and speak with their technical recruiters in human resource to express my interest and ask them few questions. I usually get the recruiter's name by LinkedIn, Jigsaw, and other business directory. So I do my homework in advance to learn more of the people I speak with. However, I usually have inner fears and negative mental pictures that pushes me away from my goal. If I want to call someone name, "Bruno Peterson", the first couple of thoughts that come in my mind is that "What if I am being ridiculed for following up?", "What if I look like an idiot?", "Bruno seems like a tough name; is he going to go easy on me?", "Do I seem like other idiots who applying for jobs"" etc. The mental picture that come in my mind is a guy or girl smirking at me because he or she found something funny from my accent or I look plain stupid. As a result, I try to make some stupid excuses like I got to do my assignment, watching stupid YouTube Videos, or plan to do it some other day of my life when I will miraculously grow some balls! And I never get it done!

However, I actually found a way to overcome my anxiety. I actually realized it last week when I was reflecting about an interesting book I read - Success Principle by Jack Canfield. The book defined FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real. When I thought about it for some time, it made a lot of sense. When I am facing my fear, I see all those mental pictures I create in my mind - "Guy smirking at me", "Looking super common", "Being ridiculed". Those are just false evidence I thought would be real. I also realized that I habitually run those images in my mind. This is the first realization that gave me extra confidence.

Second thing I learned from the book that I can overcome those negative mental picture by replacing them with positive ones. I started to "visualize" all possible nice things happen when I am talking with people. For example, the person might love my accent or strong voice, I might be seem more assertive, the person might smile and enjoy the conversation. When I visualize those pictures couple dozen times in my mind, I appear more eager to call those people I thought kill me. :)

Let me give another example. When you are going out for a date, what is the best possible mental picture would you rather have in my mind? Your date dumped you in front of the crowd, never came on time, cancelled the date, and being abducted by aliens? Or You had a heart-to-heart conversation, enjoyed your Cabernet, shared a passionate kiss, and did something you love to do? I am sure you would rather pick the positive mental image. I guess we all make choices in my life - how to feel, what to think, what mental pictures we have. We are the film makers, screenwriters, and actors of our own life. It really depends how we use it well to empower ourselves.

What one negative mental picture do you have, and how can you replace that with a positive images?

It Feels Good.

I was hopelessly practicing some complicated interview questions for an job opportunity in Seattle after 3 weeks, and I am also trying to download a stupid application from my college website. I really suck in multitasking, and I felt extremely frustrated for my lack of progress in the last couple of weeks. I have plenty of phone interviews, and I feel nervous of my future. I know I am the best candidate for a job, but somehow I feel so inadequate. I really hate to feel so inferior. I was in a "lame" state of mind. But all those feelings changed when I got distracted by 2 consecutive phone calls. My mom and dad called me to say, "Happy Birthday!". I don't usually care of "being a year older" but it kind of feels good that some people actually care to remember my birthday. After a couple of minutes, my big sister and brother-in-law called me to wish me the same thing. Why do I feel so much love today?

But it feels good! :)

Making Stupid Assumptions!

Sometimes I imagine my life could have been so much better if I didn't assume how people react or think of me in the past few years. I sometimes I made complete a fool out of myself in relationships, career, and health just because I do not challenge my thoughts. Here are 7 food of thoughts that I want to share with you:

1. Remember the time you were offered some cheese cakes by your mom, and you were little concerned about your health so you politely said, "No". But your mom somehow convinced you that a little "bite" does not hurt your health. In the end those small couple hundred "bites" actually made you gain overwhelming amount of weight in such a short period of time?
2. How about the time you were completely lost in the road/highway, and were desperate to find your way home? You just don't want to ask the Mr. Police officer for a ride, because you "felt" that you might look stupid.
3. Can you recall the time you just want to compliment someone's stunning hair, but "thought" that you might look sheepish? You just walk away, and miss your chance to make a new friend.
4. How about your frustrating days at school? You just couldn't ask a simple question because you were afraid to look "stupid" in front of your classmates, or experience the wrath of the imaginary angry teacher!
5. Can you remember a time this week when were afraid to say "No" to your coworker to cover for him because you don't want to be disappointing/unreliable?
6. How about never bothering to say "hello" to your neighbor because you "thought" that you might intrude his or her day? When was the last time you were annoyed when someone "greeted" you?
7. When was the last time you actually wrote something nice to your high school friend's facebook wall? Because you thought you might appear too cheesy.

Now time to ask few questions! How do you know "exactly" what the other person is actually thinking? Did he tell you? Is it his behavior or facial expression? If his body language is telling you, how do you know that "every" man or woman in the world have the same "thoughts" in that body gesture? How do you also know you will get a "cold" look if you compliment someone? When was the last time your professor ever turned into an incredible "hulk" while you asked a super simple questions? Can you provide me reliable statistics to prove your assumptions? If yes, how many percent of human population could actually support your theory? I understand that people do have different rules and expectations, and you are bound to meet few weirdos latter part of your life. Should we assume what our friends, neighbors and strangers will react in the way few people treated you in the past? My point is let us stop playing the "guessing" game, and challenge what we are actually thinking. In my experience, simply being aware of your thought actually eliminate lots of assumptions that is paralyzing what you want to do.

Now is your turn! What is one assumption you usually make that is limiting your life? Comment, Below!

How do you react when a friend behaves as if s/he never knew you?

Today I was in a social event and I was hanging out with my staff members of a part-time job. I was excited to meet everyone, give them a charming smile, crack some jokes, enjoy fun conversations and make new friends! But haven't you ever approached some acquaintances who act like they never know you or never even say "hello"?

It did happen to me today with one of my coworkers! Every time we were in close proximity and I am giving eye contact, my coworker didn't respond back. It made me ponder when I never received even a "hello"! Sometimes it makes me confused. With a confused state of mind, I ended up asking these questions. Does the person just do not like me? Is she too shy to say "Hi" to me first? Is she waiting for me to greet her first? Why she overlooked me when walked passed me? Is she just mad because I didn't approach first? Am I not good enough?

After I calmed down a little bit, I realized that I was over analyzing a trivial situation. People are just different. They might have a bad day. They might be too shy. They might just not like me anymore. They might feel insecure. They could also be mad at me. They might might not like my new hair style. They might think they are not good enough. There could be dozens of unknown possibilities, and there is no way to know unless you "ask" or just "read" minds. I do believe I can never please every humans in the planet, just like every humans cannot please me. For example, I feel displeased if someone has severely bad breath, shaky handshake and invade my personal space! In the same and extreme way, a serial killer can never please me to be his/her friend.

Couple of lessons I have learnt from this "troubled" situation:

1. I would rather be forward than wait for someone to meet me.
2. I would always ask, rather than assume something "horrible". Most of the time our imagination exaggerate the situation.
3. People have different rules and values. Next time I feel confused, I would rather try to understand him first, before being understood.

So, how do you react when a friend acts like s/he never knows you? Comment, Below! Don't worry I know your intentions are always good! :P

What an ungrateful bastard?!?

I used to see myself as a peace-loving, god-fearing, law-abiding guy during my early teenage days. I thought if I continue to be nice and comply with everyone's wish, I would live an "easy" life in earth and heaven. I know it's fucking cheesy, but it was me 3 years ago. I was also very faithful to my parents, siblings and relatives. I was being respectful and everything; but you and I both know that life is never so "cheesy" :)

Now the "however" part. Ever since my early 20s and living on my own in United States, I have started demanding more for myself and others. I dislike settling for less! For example, a couple of days ago, I was given an iPod nano as a present from my elder brother. That iPod does not cost much, but the data stored inside it cost over $4000. There are some confidential/copyrighted stuffs which I am asked not to share with others. I should be feeling really lucky because I don't get much pricey stuffs so often.

Instead, I focused on the negative aspects. I started to feel "unloved" coz I was not given the latest "iPod" touch. I also started to feel little worried if my "rich" friends find out that I am using less expensive and not-so-shiny toys than theirs. What if the gym rats find that amusing to see me with a 2nd generation iPod nano when I am workout in the weighting room?!? I know he could afford to buy me the expensive one; why didn't he? Am I that inferior? Later, I have started to realize it was really ungrateful of me to think such way. Like any ignorant human being, I thought green is greener on the other side.

Many times in my life, I have been well-treated/mistreated by people around me. But I do believe during that very moment, I have a "choice" to see it in positive or negative light. For a moment I forgot how lucky I am to have an elder brother who mentors me to be a better person; and, asked me to use that iPod for training purpose e.g. personal development. I only thought of glass half empty instead of half full. I am an ungrateful bastard. I must learnt how to be more grateful of my life, and the gifts my life has given me. And I am glad i am letting you know that I have learnt my lesson.

What are the 3 things are you grateful of in your life? Write in the comment section, Below!

Can motions create good emotions?

Every time I am complimented by my team members, random strangers, coworkers, couple of things I almost always hear from others. I never really received those compliments until I make "smile" a frequent part of my life!

"You seem so pleasant all the time"
"You talk with people, and seem genuinely interested"
"You are so smiley!"
"You make me laugh for no reason"

Smile is a facial expression which could be easily done by a normal human being with a deformed/normal facial tissues. It is easier than writing 1500 words essay, cramming for an extremely difficult/stupid/lame calculus exam, or lifting 150 lbs for chest press. My point it smile is easy! I don't know why some dudes "just" don't smile or do it once a week. Frowning does not make you tougher or more charismatic....

I remember Anthony Robbins (#1 peak performance expert) wrote in his book, "Awaken The Giant Within" that motions create emotions. He stated that positive, outrageous or confident body movements could make dramatic changes in our emotional state. People could change their lives if they keep positive body language consistently. Here are couple of questions I want you to ponder: Can you explain why you feel great when your significant other kisses you? Why "kiss" is more emotionally stimulating than just a "pat" in your back? Why firm "handshake" demonstrates "confidence"? Because different motions create different emotions. When I smile, my brain tends to believe "I am happy" and secrete chemicals which cause stimulating emotions. If you frown, swing your hands slowly like a bored symphony instructor for a while, I can guarantee you that you start feel bored.

KEEP THIS IN MIND:
Our emotions are nothing more than biochemical storms in our brains. So why would you want some chemicals to ruin the rest of your day?

Just dance, grin silly in front of the mirror, sing loudly, breath rapidly and shake your legs playfully (It works for me every time I get bored with work), skydiving, run 5K, play with your fingers or reinvent something which works for you. If you can create really amazing motions, I can guarantee some phenomenal change in your emotions for sure. Smile is a facial expression, and I tend to use it very well!

What kind of motion/physical activity works for you? Make sure to comment below because your motion puts a smile in my face. :)

Why I want to be the number# 1?

Just came back from work, and had a sudden urge to write my confession in my blog. I just like to let you know that I am never going settle for less. I do not care if I am earn 7 figures, and be a successful software professional. The thing that matters most I am want to be the number #1. I hate being the 2nd and the 3rd.

There is only one person who can occupy the number#1:

The richest man in the world: Carlos Slim Helu

The most powerful man in the world: Hi Jintao

The highest paid actor in the world: Johnny Deep

The highest paid writer/producer/director: James Cameron

The most twitter follower in the world: Lady Gaga

The most desirable woman in the world: Blake Lively

You get the point. Those people are the number#1, and no one else share the common place. I hate to be "nobody". I hate to be common. I hate to live a life with unclear vision. I am still reflecting my life overall. How am I going to live my life? How can I make an impact in the entire world? How can I be the richest? What does it need to take for me to accomplish my goals? But I would never settle for less. Even the higher power promises me to reincarnate, I would still use this life I have and have a blast. I am going to be the number#1.

So, tell me what you always aspired to become? Why?

How to deal with negative criticisms?

Today I went out with my nephew, Adam and younger cousin, Mike for grocery shopping. Later we went to Perkins because I told them I am planning to cover all expenses for the dinner. During the dinner in Perkins, I have plenty of time to practice handling criticism. I was hoping to use this opportunity to exercise some skills I have learnt...

Adam is my sister's eldest son. He is smart, outgoing and pretty daring. Although he is younger than me, he tends to think he knows and experienced more than I do. He also has a good sense of humor which is best for lighten the moment. However, one thing I completely dislike about him is his irrational way to criticize people around him for self gratifications. There were some moments in the past I took some of his words personally. I usually are very forgiving, but he does not have any idea that I usually give people no chances when they cross the line.

Nevertheless, I still found a way to diffuse all the tensions when someone criticizes me. It also works if the criticism is constructive, and the person has good intentions. I have learnt how to appear completely nonreactive. I learnt this from a book name, "When I say No, I feel guilty". The technique is called "fogging". Every time you get criticized, you simply agree with the person. This one of the few effective methods I ever found to deal with negative criticisms, but I quite new in this. So Adam was my first few guinea pigs...

Here are some portion of conversation we had in Perkin's Resturant:

Adam: Why do you seem nervous and out of place when the waiter asked you for the order?

Me: You are right. (FOGGING) I still have a room for improvement.

Adam: You go to toastmaster club and do other activities. Why does it happen to you?

Me: I do participate in other activities, and sometimes I still get nervous. (FOGGING). I guess I need to cross the comfort zone.

(More Conversations)

Adam: Why did you find this stupid place for us to sit?

Me: The seats we are sitting seem to be out of place, isn't it? (FOGGING) We are pretty isolated from rest of the crowd.

Every time I fogged, the opposing member had nothing much to say about the issue. The opposing person's sole goal is to make people becoming "reactive" and "insecure". By fogging, I am not doing either of those. I am not being defensive, and the tension is diffused. Moreover, you might be wondering if someone calls me in a derogatory terms, I should be angry. That's a good question. For example,

Idiot: You look like a completely faggot?

Me: I do, don't it? When I was a teenager, I used to think about girls all the time. I do not seem to be thinking about such topics since I am so busy.

My point is if someone tells you that you are a space alien, with 5 hidden arms, and have a 2 large wings, are you planning to react seriously? You would probably going to laugh out loud. In the same way, you can simple be a fog. When you fire a gun to a fog, the fog simple let the bullet through and it is unaffected. You get the point, right?

There are much more I like to discuss, but I want to keep it short. I am going to talk more about "criticisms" and how to deal with it effectively in the future posts. I am also planning to demonstrate more real life experiences with criticisms, so you should stay tuned, and "follow me"!

Happiness

It was the toughest exam I ever took. I always pride myself as a latent genius; but I'm taking it back. I have a long way to go. I never doubt my analytic skills, but sometimes I fail to stay calm. When I lose my calmness and allow myself to be worried, I never get favorable result. In the same way, I didn't perform well in the certification exam I took yesterday because I became desperate in the last 1 hour. But I passed!

I have been studying 5 hours a day, cancelled netfix account, banned myself to watch anime, stopped drinking, and deactivated facebook to shut myself off from minor distraction. I'm grateful that I passed. My parents are happy, my brother texted me "Congratulations!!!!", and I got 10 "likes" in facebook from old time friends I never heard from a long time. I even bought the cool but expensive necklace I resisted buying for the last 4 months. I deserve this now; though I actually resisted hard last night. It made little guilty for spoiling myself.

However, the exam experience was not fulfilling. I do not care much of the goal; it is the "process" that is important to me. I only care about how can I enjoy making it happen. In the same way, I wanted to be pass the exam with much more scores, and I felt like I could have done better to prepare myself for the exam (although no one actually cares how much I score as long as I am certified professional).

I am planning to make my next and probably the last certification exam before I graduate the most enjoyable experience. I love to live a life with purpose.

Relax!

Tomorrow is the day I have been waiting for. The Java Certification Exam. Many challenges will be much easier after tomorrow's exciting trial. The only thing I am worried about if I would be able to sleep tonight with my bottled up energy and anticipation.

I am not going to lie. I am worried. I know I will not be able to show my face to many friends, and admirers if anything goes wrong. But I already know the key to pass the exam. If I maintain my calmness and certainty, the exam is going to be a breeze.

I am only going to relax. I just came back from workout, eating breakfast, and listening to good music from Pandora. I am planning to review every notes I took in the last 2 months. Experiment some codes. Meditate at least 2 times a day. Probably going to order Jimmy John's totally tuna. I prefer to cook, but I am going to relax!

My tomorrow's exam is at 9:30 AM, so I would probably wake up at 5 or 6, and go out for running. I need as much energy and vitality as possible. Make sure to drink 1 liter of water, and good breakfast. Review the notes, and take off!!!

If you are reading till now, I am quite surprised. There is nothing much for you here. I just writing out my thoughts. But I thank you for your time. Make sure to write some comments if you need to kill some time!

This Exam is Killing Me

There are strategies I have always applied during my days in college which actually helped me to cope up with exam preparations. Most of the time it was nervousness and anxiety that I am going to fuck up big time. Other times I just wasn't prepared enough to take the exam because I was too lazy. Here are couple of tips which always helped me in "any" kind of exams.

Make Sure to Breath

I know you hear this a lot. But it's true. I took over hundreds of exams in my college, and there were times my mind went completely blank. I forget the simple definition I memorized the day before, I don't understand the question or I get way too nervous when time was running out. After studying some meditation techniques, I realized that the best way to rebound in that situation is to push my exam papers away, lean back, and breath fresh air deeply for couple of minutes. Probably drink a sip of water. I know my time is ticking, but those 2-3 minutes of taking more oxygen in my brain actually brings more creative juice and confident state during those stressful situation. I know exam preparation is important; but I realized that if I cannot take control my mental state, I will never be the best. This simple strategy actually helped to perform decently in exams I had crappy preparation.

Work Out

My mentor once told me that if I believe I don't have time to work out then that is exactly the time I should go out for workout. It sounded silly but it actually helped to eliminate stress and being in an energetic state day before the exam day. I usually do 20 to 30 minutes of Cardio as a part of exam preparation. I know that reading your notes, group studying and spending hours whining are our rituals before the exam day. But with some aerobic workout in the gym, you are going to change  the body chemistry to be a top performer and have more edge than your smart ass class mates.

Mind Maps
One question I hate to ask but asked myself anyway: how can I study for the exam while enjoying the process? I know it's not fun. If I fuck up, I will not get scholarship for next semester. My friends will think I am full of shit, and the stupid grade will not look nice my college transcript. But one thing I realized in my life experience is that if I am enjoying the process and do my best, the end result will never be disappointing. I found "mind mapping" a way to make my preparation more fun. I usually have some crayons, different markers, and start drawing circles to organize my ideas. Here is an article which will introduce you to the whole mind mapping concept. There are 3 benefits I always have: I learn in a holistic way since I can see all pieces of puzzles together, I learn faster than average college students, and I feel unique since I have seen none my classmates trying this approach!

Protein Rich Breakfast & Fish Oil
This is probably the first time I share about this because this is one of my best kept "open" secrets. Ever since I started to have a protein rich breakfast (e.g. 2-3 scrambled eggs, soy milk and fresh orange juice) and also taking 2-3 fish oils, my concentration increased by ten folds. Protein rich breakfast made me fuller and gave me more energy through out the day. On the other hand, fish oils provided me high concentrations. There has been a study that fish oils improve focus and thinking skills for 8-12 children who can't pay attention. I know you aren't a retard, but if it works so well for those kids, it will work wonders for you. Try the "Nature Made Fish Oil". It is purified to get rid of all mercury, and you will find it in Target Stores. Please don't settle for a cup of coffee (probably stay away from it at all cost) and a brownie in the early morning. This is a not a post to give you breakfast ideas, but here is a credible article I found about breakfast benefits you might find a good read.

With great boost of energy by having eating breakfast intelligently, drawing mind maps to enjoy the process, working out to gain additional concentration, and taking time to breath during stress actually made a drastic result to my performance. I know your mom told you to study hard and be good boy/girl, but you also got to think out side the box to be the best performer you can possibly become.