Happy Birthday!

I turned 26 today. Not a big accomplishment, but my birthday forces me to look back my past 12 months and see if my life has been changed for the better. To be honest, it actually did. My birthday is like a "new year day" for myself.  I have changed a lot and my life situations have been changed. The doors that were closed are now open. I am more ambitious and capable than I ever could be in my life. I have formed new & exciting relationships which I thought wasn't even possible. I am a different person now. I am more grateful, happy and in control than the last ten years of my life. Well done!!!

I do have one promise to myself. Next year is going to be so much exciting. Fun has just started!

Doubt vs. Believe

Ever since I was growing up, I have learned not to put faith in others. I always believed that disappointment is a law of nature similar to gravity. You can't completely trust someone because humans are imperfect creature, full of mistakes and unpredictability. I think that's okay. I have learned to use these imperfections as an advantage. I always watch my back and always took responsibility because I know no one will be there when my life is fucked up. I felt misunderstood during my upbringings, and always wanted to be desired and approved by others (which I think is a sign of weakness).

But nowadays, I realized I want to believe in others even if there is a minor chance of disappointment. I want to believe they will succeed to the fullest. I want to believe they will be happy and live a blessed life. There was a time, I always wished people believed in me, and now I am on my own, I will try my best to believe in others as much as I can. I think believing in your friends or signifiant others is the greatest gift you can ever give them. It's a sign that you genuinely care about them. Don't just encourage them half-heartedly; believe they could be the best. May be just making them think that someone is there looking up to them is enough to ignite something they actually need to be more successful.

It makes me feel weird just to write this blog post because this is unlike me. I guess a psychopath like me can change.

Life is a game to be played, not problem to be fixed

There are 2 crossroads. If I only see life as a game and encounter every challenges as a game to be played, will that make me less better than seeing the challenge as a problem to be fixed?

If I simply enjoy my life as it is, will that make me take everything for granted and I will be prone to accomplish less? Is that a bad thing not to be uncomfortable and unsatisfied? Is that a bad thing to always seek harder goals as if accomplishing those will make me happier? Or Any goals are an illusion to happiness? No matter how much I accomplish, I will always take it for granted eventually. So, what exactly are goals for?

Problems

I noticed by mental state this morning that I am addicted to problems. I like to brag about my problems. I want to approval from others by having problems. If I am addicted to having problems, then what's the point of solving them? Do I create problems in my life? Is having a problem simply a belief about things needed to be done, or fix? May be it's my mental blueprint how things really should be and I need to make them my way. Whatever the problem is, I think having problem (both physical and mental) is just an illusion. May be there is no such thing as problems?

There are no bad experiences

I have learned a beautiful ideal. If I could use every circumstances (either good or bad) happened in my life as an opportunity for growth to be better and learn important lesson, then my life experience would so much powerful than a regular dude who lives his life and being there as  slave of circumstances. I don't mean being fucking high and smile like a fucking stupid idiot at all times even if everything is not going as planned, or people not treating me with respect. I mean taking every situation as lessons to grow and be a better man. If I feel like a crap, I should feel like a crap. If I get gang banged and raped by bunch of dudes, I should feel like killing myself. If I lose my friends, family, social status, and everything in my life, I should just give up. If I just learn I have a terminal cancer and I will live for just 3 months, I should feel like life has been totally unfair. I think that is okay. Emotions just lie. It shows our current state. Emotions shows what we are, but it does not show what we could be. So I would not rely on it to take my life decisions.

But during those times, I should remind myself, this might be another opportunity in disguise to take myself to the next level. Life would be so much easier if we could find those opportunities easily. Fuck god. Fuck your family. Fuck the universe. It is up to you to decide and make everything as an opportunity. I believe it takes time, patience and asking right questions to uncover the truth. I hope it shed some light on why there could no such thing as bad experience.