Happiness

It was the toughest exam I ever took. I always pride myself as a latent genius; but I'm taking it back. I have a long way to go. I never doubt my analytic skills, but sometimes I fail to stay calm. When I lose my calmness and allow myself to be worried, I never get favorable result. In the same way, I didn't perform well in the certification exam I took yesterday because I became desperate in the last 1 hour. But I passed!

I have been studying 5 hours a day, cancelled netfix account, banned myself to watch anime, stopped drinking, and deactivated facebook to shut myself off from minor distraction. I'm grateful that I passed. My parents are happy, my brother texted me "Congratulations!!!!", and I got 10 "likes" in facebook from old time friends I never heard from a long time. I even bought the cool but expensive necklace I resisted buying for the last 4 months. I deserve this now; though I actually resisted hard last night. It made little guilty for spoiling myself.

However, the exam experience was not fulfilling. I do not care much of the goal; it is the "process" that is important to me. I only care about how can I enjoy making it happen. In the same way, I wanted to be pass the exam with much more scores, and I felt like I could have done better to prepare myself for the exam (although no one actually cares how much I score as long as I am certified professional).

I am planning to make my next and probably the last certification exam before I graduate the most enjoyable experience. I love to live a life with purpose.