Be A Nobody

There are somedays at work and personal life I feel like a complete idiot, but there are days I definitely feel like a rockstar software developer, cool guy, more attractive and confident. Today is one of those days I felt like a fucking idiot. I was not in the right emotional state of mind because I didn't get enough rest previous night, and I overworked myself in the gym this morning by doing too many dead lifts and squats. I felt so sleepy at 8 AM (just when I got to work), I couldn't think clearly enough. I was spending too much time figuring out tiny details, and didn't spend time on the big picture. I asked questions that won't matter, and focused too much time on irrelevant details. During the end of the day, I felt like I haven't done enough work and that made me feel guilty. But I did realize this is part of the problem solving process - I get stuck with a problem, I spend too much time gathering informations, and I figure out a solution eventually. I know that but I still felt bad about myself. I couldn't communicate clearly to the team either.

I kind of felt so crappy that I started to ask myself whether I was always an idiot? I was never late to meet my project deadlines, and I always delivered excellent quality products. It hurt my ego to be stupid and I felt like nobody. Then I realized that it's nice to be nobody somedays. When I feel like an idiot, it hurts my ego. If I am completely okay with myself regardless of ego getting hurt, that would make me stronger. That was a good realization because eventually I will lose everything - my ego, my possessions, and my ambitions. All will be gone at some point of my life; may be the moment of my death.