In have realization in last 2 days last work that I rush into solving problems and thinking each task as a mission to be completed; must be completed. I rush. I struggle. I get afraid that if I don't work out stressful reaction and don't worry, my manager and authority will yell at me. I get tense at each task. I feel like if I don't stress out and struggle, then I won't accomplish my tasks. I am fucking myself up by worrying that being stressed out, struggle in my mind and see it a must thing to do, it will help me get the job done.
I struggle insufferably even if the tasks is too small. I put too much mental force, rush and accelerate on something small instead of being delicate. But now I think about it, no matter how big the problem, how will struggling in my mind help me get the job done faster?
As easy as it sounds, I have been constantly fucking myself up for number of years (probably all my life). The quote from the book really opened my eyes, "No matter what happens, I will create no more pain. I will create no more problems". It takes a choice to make this decision. It's very difficult choice to make. :(
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