More Rambling

I am not going to lie. I seek approval from outside environment which is not under my control. Ever since I was a kid, I used to have a tendency to please my dad. I worked my ass off to do well in high school and I received few compliments from him. It encouraged me to work harder. When he talked about how my friends are doing better than I do, I felt worse. When he complimented and paid attention to me, I immediately felt better. I went through the same exact pattern again and again until I went abroad for college for three year. It's definitely a life changing experience for me to be my own boss, but I realized my brain still run the same "approval seeking" pattern in many scenarios in my adulthood.

Now I am an adult. My pockets are "kind of" heavy, and I live a very reputable lifestyle. I workout five days a week, eat only fruits & vegetables, drink deeply from good books,  meet fascinating people everyday, and create breakthrough in my career. I am sure my life seems promising. All of those facts are very pleasurable to think. But couple days ago, I realized many things I have been doing in my life is to prove myself to everyone that I am good enough! Here is how it happened. I was talking with a friend the other day in phone for couple of minutes, and he misunderstood something about me. After we hung up, I felt an urge to call him back to prove him that I am awesome, cool and positive. I suddenly caught myself seeking for self approval by asking this simple question: "Why do I care so much to call him back to prove I am right?". I answered, "because it makes me happy and fulfilled to make him look up to me. No brainer." Then I asked myself: "why is it so important to make myself feel happy and fulfilled?" I realized that this is how I was designed to become.  I am a human.

Then I asked the final question, "What is beyond pain and pleasure?". I am not a science guy, but my "assumption" is that pain and pleasure are feelings animals experience in their body. It's a biology. If we are depressed, it is painful. What most people do when they are depressed? They eat lots of food, watch Titanic, treat people like a shit, change their hair color, enlarge their breast, and whine that nobody cares. What exactly are those activities are accomplishing. Pleasure! I realized those are couple of biological activities that make pleasure possible. This is something I learned from Tony Robbin's seminar too. We all know apple will always fall down from the tree because this is law of nature. I guess every human being on the planet has the fate to experience "pleasure" and "pain" law to determine their destinies.

This trivial event actually made a slight change in my focus every time I try so hard to gain more pleasure and stay away from pain. Whenever I am feeling insecure and start fidgeting, I immediately realize this is what my brain believes it should do to experience more pleasure, and stay out of pain. Weird. It's more weird when I start feel peacefulness and content when I am being aware and accept myself during that situation. I am sure there is something beyond pain and pleasure. If I experience that "beyond", I would probably not be a human anymore. That would be nice. I guess I am being a little smart ass today. If you believe you know what's the beyond, please contribute in the comment section below.

When I am Gone

I had a good time today. I watched couple episodes of Sopranos (just finished the second season), read a nice book to learn more of charisma, went out for a drive to buy some fresh salads for lunch, and enjoyed the mild weather.

When I finished brushing my teeth at night, I look at myself in the mirror and for strangest reason I asked myself who I really am? I don't believe in god, angel, heaven and hell bullshit. But what if we are just like everything in this world i.e. chair, table, trees, butterfly, clock, spiders? We simply meant to be exist. What if we are not so special that we think we are? We chose to make our lives full of dramas. We create unique meanings to our experiences. We created the right and wrong. We reproduce kids to pass our ownership. What if a human becomes simple piece of meat when it dies (just like an insignificant squashed spider)? Does it really matter if you get buried or burned? Does it matter who gets all your money?

I don't know. Even if I know all answers what difference it would make? I would still live a moral life, experience a roller coaster ride, despise my old age and pass away. Sometimes I wish my life is more like a fairy tale Aladdin story. Then I would at least know I will live happily forever. LOL. I usually get jealous when a baby is born, when I am watching school kids waiting for their bus, or hanging out with their mom. It's kind of nice that those kids will have more opportunities to experience hundred years from now when I will be gone.

What do you think? Anything? 

How to Get Along with Coworkers?

There are couple of lessons I have applied in the last couple of months that actually improved work relationships with my coworkers. I thought I would share some of them with you. I am pretty sure you know all of them. But I thought it would be nice to share.

Secret Nicknames:
Since I am a programmer in a IT development, my coworkers are much more experienced, and "serious" than I am. It kind of makes me little insecure since I just came right out of college. I realized making funny and inappropriate nicknames for each my coworkers won't hurt as long as I don't tell them. Yes, those are secret nicknames. Sometimes I try to associate people with funny cartoon character. I actually picture one of our developers as "Scooby Doo", and another one "Giraffee" since he is 6 ft. 5' tall. I see our vice president as a  "Shark". Not sure why. As a result, every time I am talking with someone of them, I have a smile in my face for no reason, and somehow feel much more comfortable. They sense my enthusiasm and sense of humor. The nice thing about this strategy is that it works well with dealing scary people. Why don't you try visualizing a scary guy you know with Mickey mouse nose and ears couple of times?

Ask for Help:
Since I am a newbie, I have to ask for help from developers frequently. I actually worked with all of my coworkers once in a while. I have started to ask for suggestions and took notes because their insights and years of experiences are valuable. My attitude actually made them help me more. Feel free to ask stupid questions. They will understand you are a "noob", and feel like being your savior :) Asking for help simply gives people feeling of importance (as long as I am not asking for money). One important I ever learned from my closest friend/mentor that I should always make other person make feel more intelligent than I am. It makes us humble and more approachable.

Birthdays:
Remember their birthdays. Trust me on this. Many adults working nine to five jobs are way too busy to celebrate their birthdays. Their kids would probably draw some lame pictures with their stupid crayons, and their wives..I don't know. I actually have a list of all my coworkers' birthday. If they don't want to let you know their birthdays, make something up. I already gave a nice gift book to one of my coworkers. This is the best investment I made in work area since he went extra miles to help on a issue last time. I usually have couple of gifts on demand.

Know Little Things:
You don't have to know someone's life story to be their best friend. Notice subtle things they do in a consistent basis. What is their favorite ice cream flavor? Which bar do your coworkers like to hang out? Do they love donuts? What is their astrological sign? These are trivial information, but I found out  these small things actually helped me make great friends in my college life. There is one thing I learned from Mother Teresa: you can't never do great things, but you can do small things with great love.

I know there are one billion ways you know to get along with coworkers. Feel free to share some with me. I will apply if I feel it would be comfortable to use. Thanks for stopping by! What are your strategies to get along with new people/coworkers?

Best I Ever Had

Today I was doing some house cleaning because I have nothing better to do during the weekend. I actually made a rule for myself that I never going to do anything "work-related" in the weekend. Weekended is a time to rejuvenate and self reflections. There are 52 weeks in a year. If I spend 1 day (i.e Saturday or Sunday) in every week just for myself, then I am getting 52 days vacation every year. I also have 19 days paid time off. So life is good if use them well in resourceful ways:)

One limitation I have is that I am such a nerd. I know very well that I am very good in what I do. I am a excellent programmer who gives 110 percent in his job. I am proud of this. However, when it comes to having fun, I have very less stuffs to do. I know it's frustrating. So I actually set a goal to finish a weekend by doing no less than 10 things I love to do. I haven't completed my list, but I am pretty excited to start working on it!

Now back to the housing cleaning. :) I think today was a special day. While I was organizing my files and folders, I found some of my past awards, diplomas, and certificates. For strange reasons, I never actually gave a fuck about my past achievements. I used to get 2 awards every semesters during my college years. Sometimes I never even attended some events where I will be awarded or given some honors. I guess when you start getting something so often, you start to appreciate it very less. However, when I was in high school, I would only "dream" of being in an honor list. I still remember some of my high school grades (i.e. Chemistry D+, Physics C-, Biology D, English C).

But today, I really appreciated myself. I actually smiled when looking at my bachelor degree and dean's list awards. I am really glad I worked so hard to be the best in my class. May be after 5 years when I am going to read this "same" post, I hope I will put a smile in my face, and being grateful to higher power to give me such a wonder life.

Now I have a question for you: What do you appreciate about your life? :)

P.S: Don't forget to follow my blog because I want to follow yours. It's quite flattering when people read my stuffs!

Temporary "Good Bye"

Currently I am posting my thoughts in a different blog.
The other blog is strictly about being a software professional, and lessons I learn everyday - technical and general views about life. It would be pretty stupid to to introduce technical writings i.e java programming, Oracle database, and app development in this reflective blog.

I would be writing less in this blog, but I will always be posting 3-5 times every week in the other one. Thanks for being my reader. It means a lot. Really. I am a sensitive guy. :)

With Love,
Chase