Life is a game to be played, not problem to be fixed

There are 2 crossroads. If I only see life as a game and encounter every challenges as a game to be played, will that make me less better than seeing the challenge as a problem to be fixed?

If I simply enjoy my life as it is, will that make me take everything for granted and I will be prone to accomplish less? Is that a bad thing not to be uncomfortable and unsatisfied? Is that a bad thing to always seek harder goals as if accomplishing those will make me happier? Or Any goals are an illusion to happiness? No matter how much I accomplish, I will always take it for granted eventually. So, what exactly are goals for?

Problems

I noticed by mental state this morning that I am addicted to problems. I like to brag about my problems. I want to approval from others by having problems. If I am addicted to having problems, then what's the point of solving them? Do I create problems in my life? Is having a problem simply a belief about things needed to be done, or fix? May be it's my mental blueprint how things really should be and I need to make them my way. Whatever the problem is, I think having problem (both physical and mental) is just an illusion. May be there is no such thing as problems?

There are no bad experiences

I have learned a beautiful ideal. If I could use every circumstances (either good or bad) happened in my life as an opportunity for growth to be better and learn important lesson, then my life experience would so much powerful than a regular dude who lives his life and being there as  slave of circumstances. I don't mean being fucking high and smile like a fucking stupid idiot at all times even if everything is not going as planned, or people not treating me with respect. I mean taking every situation as lessons to grow and be a better man. If I feel like a crap, I should feel like a crap. If I get gang banged and raped by bunch of dudes, I should feel like killing myself. If I lose my friends, family, social status, and everything in my life, I should just give up. If I just learn I have a terminal cancer and I will live for just 3 months, I should feel like life has been totally unfair. I think that is okay. Emotions just lie. It shows our current state. Emotions shows what we are, but it does not show what we could be. So I would not rely on it to take my life decisions.

But during those times, I should remind myself, this might be another opportunity in disguise to take myself to the next level. Life would be so much easier if we could find those opportunities easily. Fuck god. Fuck your family. Fuck the universe. It is up to you to decide and make everything as an opportunity. I believe it takes time, patience and asking right questions to uncover the truth. I hope it shed some light on why there could no such thing as bad experience.

Feeding my Ego

I realized our ego needs frequent feeding. But all egos are not created equally. Different egos love various kinds of foods. Some foods are as follows: pity on others, being grateful, pride/boasting, feeling needed/wanted, feeling powerful, superior. There are countless more delicious foods for ego.

However, there are bitter foods that ego interpret as poisons. Some of them are: humiliation, rejection, hate, disapproval, disappointment, feeling inferior. Every time ego eat those, it has stomach ache, puke, or cry for help.

I am made of ego. I am an ego. I need frequent feeding of approval from superiors, and I want to be liked by everyone. My ego feels threatened when it gets disapproved. It then tries its best and worked harder to gain approval. The life cycle of ego probably is when my physical body is dead and rotten. Somehow I feel relieved that I said it. It's good to put a problem into "it" or "thing". It's actually easy to make something a third person. That's another excellent way to put problem in perspective!

Epiphany

I had few realization today about myself that's holding me back to me to be truly happy and successful. I am a goal seeker. I am stubborn enough to keep working on goals blindly no matter how stupid it is. Even if it takes months and I won't get much in return I keep on riding. Even if people around me give me feedback I am not on the right track, I think they are incredibly stupid and I am the smart one. Most of the time I am right. I graduated being the top 10% in college and a top performer at work. I always think I am special and everyone is boring.

But today after having an interesting conversation, I realized I don't know what I want. I don't know what will make me happy. I just keep on chasing after valueless goals that may not have any great return on investment. I don't listen to anyone's feedback and never change my course because I think I am right. My greatest strength of being a hard ass persistent backfires me. I never take few minutes to review whether the goal I am seeking is really worth it? Will it give me highest rate of return? Can there even be better way?

I realized that the reason I never change my course is because I am afraid of change. I am a pussy when it comes of making changes and crossing stronger comfort zone. So, from now on, I will consistently make subtle changes. I consistently cross my comfort zone. I consistently be unpredictable.

But I still believe people are boring...and I am awesome no matter what. That probably will not change any time soon. Sorry!